When Rest Becomes Stress

When Rest Becomes Stress: What a 20th Anniversary European Vacation Taught Me About Mental Health, Marriage, and Policy

What was supposed to be a dream European vacation to Paris, London, and Amsterdam for our 20th wedding anniversary turned into something else entirely — part comedy of errors, part test of resilience. I hadn’t been to Europe since childhood, and my husband had never gone. We thought flying standby on our daughter’s airline discount would be an adventure. It was — just not the kind we expected. And then came a series of unfortunate events, each one threatening to derail our romantic getaway before it had even begun.

Our connection in Chicago was overbooked, leaving us to decide between being separated or stranded for another night. We chose to rebook directly. While staying overnight in Chicago, I received heartbreaking news: my cousin’s only son — born just months apart from the son I lost a decade ago — had been killed. We finally boarded our rescheduled flight to Paris, and I woke up midair to discover a chipped tooth. And when we landed, my husband’s bag didn’t make it, thanks to the last-minute change.

Still, there were bright spots. We saw the Eiffel Tower glitter against the night sky. We enjoyed other historic and cultural sights throughout Paris, and I indulged in fine chocolate, delicate macarons, and pastries that were as beautiful as they were delicious. We stumbled into the karaoke scene in Paris when train accidents delayed, then cancelled, our plans for London. In Amsterdam, the food was plentiful, the music soulful, and the bikes — well, the bikes ruled the road. (Amsterdam’s bike infrastructure is unlike anything I’ve seen; it made me wonder if this could be Bentonville’s future.) At one point I found myself locked in a jazz bar bathroom, laughing at the absurdity of it all. And when we finally sat in a theater to see Hadestown, I felt the joy that Broadway productions inevitably bring me. But when we landed back in the States and sat through yet another long, delayed layover in Atlanta, I realized the truth: I was coming home more tired than when I left. Both physically and mentally.

When Vacation Turns Into Stress

Travel blogs and social media posts often show the highlight reel — Eiffel Tower selfies, romantic canal rides, perfect meals. But what do you do when a long-awaited trip leaves you stressed instead of renewed? For me, this anniversary trip became less about Paris, London, and Amsterdam, and more about three lessons that apply to far more than travel:

1. Mental Health on Vacation: Rest Isn’t Automatic

A vacation doesn’t always equal relaxation. I carried grief, stress, and tension across borders. At times, my body felt it more than my mind — exhaustion, irritability, and the weight of trying to “make it memorable” when nothing was going according to plan. Sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do is give ourselves permission to not force joy, and instead honor what we’re carrying.

2. Travel Policy Shapes Daily Life

My public policy background makes me notice systems — and they were everywhere on this trip. Train schedules were thrown off by fatal accidents, sparking regulatory responses. Amsterdam’s streets gave priority to bikes over cars or pedestrians. Even my Spotify app pinged me to reconfirm consent nearly every time we crossed a border — a reminder of the EU’s strict approach to data privacy. And airlines? From power outages to unruly passengers, every disruption revealed how policy decisions shape our travel experiences.

3. Couples Travel Reminds Us: Relationships Require Intention

The hardest and most necessary conversation my husband and I had was about us. After 20 years of doing life together, we can’t assume quality time will simply happen — whether on a trip, in a busy season, or at home. Marriage, like travel, requires planning, patience, and choice. Just as public policy has ripple effects on daily life, so do the decisions we make (or fail to make) in our relationships.

The Bigger Lesson

Flexibility is praised as a travel skill, but it’s really a life skill. Plans will fall apart. Systems will falter. Grief and stress will intrude on joy. But how we respond — together, with grace for ourselves and each other — matters more than any itinerary.

We didn’t get the anniversary trip I imagined (and yes, we definitely deserve a do-over!). But we got something else: a reset on how we want to move forward — in love, in life, and in the way we show up for one another.

Reflection Questions

So, what do you do when rest becomes stress? You breathe. You adapt. You decide again — about your time, your priorities, and the people you love. And maybe, just maybe, you come home a little clearer about what truly matters.

Have you ever had a vacation go off the rails? What did it teach you about rest, resilience, or relationships?

With gratitude,

Dr. Melanie